May. 25th, 2017

anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
Winding down from a fairly stressful week.

Still no A/C at work. Bossman is on vacation skiing in Tahoe, but wouldn't spend the $350 a week it would cost for a temporary hookup. Couldn't make that shit up. Nice to know exactly where employees figure in his value system. It's about where I thought.

Looking into online classes about wildlife education programs and environment enrichment for captive animals. Goddamn I wish the classes were not so expensive. I really want to have some legit way to show I give a damn and have done my homework. Much as I love my birds, most of the people that work here do not value what I do, or what I have to offer.

I've tried not thinking about how much they've taken advantage of this because it depresses the hell out of me and makes me anxious and irritable af. Talking with Stephanie at the party on Saturday kind of brought all that up again. They didn't appreciate her for shit either.

She asked me if I would ever be interested in running my own sanctuary. I would need good people around me to help, was my first thought. I can't do everything, and I would not want to run it like it was my personal show. There are people who are going to have better experience than me in some areas, and that's important. I've gotten over myself as far as needing to control every damn little thing, I see how destructive it is when someone tries to be the end-all be-all but doesn't take into account the input of others. I don't know that I'd ever want to run my own place, but I know I would need help, and I have some clue of what not to do.

Not even sure why I'm rambling about this, I guess since talking about it this weekend it's been on my mind.

Wednesday was difficult. Had to get an annual exam, haven't had one since that last horrible exam by that creepy dude at the low income clinic. I guess that's all it takes to put my nervous system into overdrive, I was a fucking wreck before and a weepy mess during the exam. Didn't help that they took a half dozen samples. Also she wrote me up a referral for abdominal and vaginal ultrasounds, wtf. Kind of creeps me out, but I am hurting where I shouldn't be. Probably best to get that shit done.

Hate hate hate the feeling of anyone there who isn't C. Hate being touched more than I already did. I hate that I have to move through a physical world every day with people who are not C. none of the shapes or the faces are his. I'm not prone to loneliness but sometimes it really hurts that he's not somewhere easily accessible.

Got a magnificent frigatebird into work today, helped get the monofilament line off of him. Bumbershoots are about halfway to figuring out their new shower, after two plus months of cluelessness. Despite the lack of sleep and A/C, I have been on my game for the most part
this week.

This helicopter really needs to fuck off with this low flying shit.

I need to get to bed.

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