anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-07-15 12:37 am

(no subject)

Fucking exhausted.

All week fucking exhausted. Blindsided with depression and tired af. Thursday night I hit the bed at motherfucking seven pm, because tired. I did wake up around 9:30, poked around on the interwebs for an hour or so, then back to bed with me.

Did wake up feeling pretty good. Got a lot done. Staff meeting went better than expected, which was a relief. J said she always had feelings of dread before a meeting, I agreed it was a thing for me too. Got some things out in the open that will make it harder for those prone to inertia to hold the rest of us back.

We've got two new people starting in a couple of weeks, which is great. Ch is scaling back to one day a week, a goddamn shame. Wondering if she even applied for the FWRA scholarship now.

Wish DP knew something about wildlife medicine, that way he could call them out on their low effort bullshit. So goddamn frustrating to have them justify the lack of action towards stepping up their game.

Maybe putting together the bird keeper manual will prod them into developing a similar guide for hospital. Not holding my breath on it though.

DG showed me how to use the sawsall, borrowing that from work for something I need to do: finish up the motherfucking mews. Ask about what kind of paint inside/outside. Also touch base with Terry about stuff, in particular the possibility of transfer for Tyr.

Parts of it I feel good about. Parts of it not so much. I really want to have the experience of starting at ground zero from trapping through training. Although it might not be a bad thing to have an experienced bird if my energy level is fuxx0red the way it's been lately.

I see the doc and gyno next Wednesday, see what my test results are all about, also ask about HRT. Christ it's weird to think about it. I don't feel like I'm of some kind of age, but I am cool with being over the slave to biology thing.

Okay signing out. Try to keep the gun out of my mouth for the rest of the month. So far so good.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-07-12 01:17 am

(no subject)

OMG holy fuck I did all the things Monday night. Where the fuck did the energy come from, I was dragging ass at work after having to pull a 2LiveCrew yet again. At least I had Julie working with me, she's got my back when shit is fucked.

Bought work groceries, cleaned mesa blanca, did laundry, mopped floors, changed sheets, showered, fixed stir fry for a very late dinner, but goddamn did I need it.

How the hell do I pull this shit off.
anaisninja: bitsy eats nightmares (bitsy)
2017-07-10 12:56 am

(no subject)

Hit up SharkCon this weekend with Bitsy, which was decent. Not as many shark-specific booths as I had anticipated, I always forget these kind of things have all kinds of vendors. Met a couple of the folks from the rehab near Tampa that we take in birds from on occasion, bought their calendar, which I need to bring in to work and show DP to see about doing something like that for SOS. Ran into one of our excellent volunteers who was out of college for the summer, nice to see her.

Mote was there of course, as well as Busch Gardens aka Sea World. Of course there were protesters out front of the fairgrounds, Jesus wept. What have y'all done for animals that doesn't involve complaining? Do any of them actually know about local marine life? I don't think keeping giant ass cetaceans in captivity is a good idea, but the organization does a lot more than orca shows. Wildlife rescue, education programs, rehabbing sick and injured animals. Unfortunately these activities don't fund themselves.

Watched a dissection of a spiny dogfish which was great, learned that Greenland sharks basically can live for hundreds of years if nothing kills them. Also heard a swim with the sharks guy talk about two of the lemon sharks he swims with who actively solicit him for boops. That schitt was hilarious. They seriously would seek him out and bug him until he booped their snoots. Fucking awesome.

Got a very cool book called Sharks of the Shallows, had it signed by the author and two of the photographers. All about sharks of Florida and surrounding areas, so relevant to our interests.

Chris was cooking for Mama Jan when I got home, went to hang out for a bit and ended up watching Netflix's new Castlevania series. Only 4 episodes but holy fuck, so so good. Dark as hell. Very pro-science, very anti-religion, not even subtle about it. Satanic sensibilities for sure.

Ugh so many chores I did not get to take care of today. Have to try catching up this week. Feeling my head slipping into July in not-good ways. At least I need a clean lair to mope about in while I wait for it to go away.
anaisninja: (Nova and mangroves)
2017-07-03 11:09 pm

(no subject)

Brought the barred owl from work home for a soft release. He's chilling in my mew until after the 4th. Fireworks bad for releases.

Thought it was the mean reds, but it's just July. Early part of the month still fucks with me. Sledgehammered with depression when I got home from work, just no motivation and feeling not-real. Fuck this shit.

Need my strange man to pay a visit and stay a while.

Gonna take refuge on tiger mountain for a spell.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-07-01 05:59 pm

(no subject)

Summer at the beach condos means more families with small kids, which generally translates to extra laundry (especially bedding), greasy handprints on the windows and mirrors, along with stray cereal and crumbs all over the place. I swear some of the parents spray their kids' hands with WD-40 and tell 'em to have at the sliders.

Upside: I never need to buy paper towels and toilet paper, and I make out like a fucking bandit in the way of water and groceries. Anything I don't want to eat I can bring to work and usually find takers. Extra condiments are nice to have on hand in the work fridge too.

Yesterday I came home with untouched leftovers from the Cheesecake Factory - chicken alfredo, macaroni and cheese, beans and rice, and some kind of seafood taco, passionfruit lemonade, organic eggs, rolls, English muffins, cheddar cheese sticks, spinach, cucumbers, strawberries, all kinds of ice cream. And a giant ass box of Lucky Charms, which Captain Howdy and Bitsy are happy about.

I'm happy about it too, any money I don't have to spend on groceries will help me get me through those two weeks of August that I'm taking off for Oregon. Or at least pay for shit that I need now.

Have to buy some 2 x 4s and an angle grinder to finish my mew. DG has a sawsall that I can borrow, I already have a hand drill. Have to get my ass motivated to sell some things been sitting around that I don't need. I did manage to pull out the particle board from the floor, and unscrew the windowpanes to show DG, so there's that.

Why is it scary af to ask for help from people I know are cool with helping me? Don't answer that, I already know.
anaisninja: (Gatsby)
2017-06-30 11:36 pm

(no subject)

Sometimes when I'm fatigued as hell I forget that it's a thing. But when I fucking well need to get shit done, I'm the hardest working crow in crowbusiness.

Work was ridiculous today. T called in sick, and Ch needed to help her mother with moving after her morning shift, so this left me with no afternoon help. Also she wasn't feeling well, so I managed to knock out birds of prey and the entire back area by myself, along with fixing plates and feeding everyone, along with getting the rathouse and stock done, along with splitting up and bagging the chick and mice order, along with getting the resident board updated and notated so people know wtf is going on tomorrow. Got everything picked up, owl plates down, two thirds of the dishes done, and kitchen in decent shape. Parrots, cranes, and taking the trash out was all was left to do when I had to jet at three for my doctor's appointment.

Three different ultrasounds today, Jesus wept. Found out this morning I needed to fast four hours before hand and drink 32 oz of water immediately before. Actually this was okay since skipping lunch meant one less thing I had to do haha. Hydration is not a problem when working my ass off/working outdoors. I would not be standing otherwise.

Got home in decent time, showered and got dressed and to the appointment right on time, exams were not as bad as I expected. Last annual still creeps me out when I think about it. Ugh, at least I can go three years before the next one

D is on vacation for the next week, which means Princess C is filling in for her a couple extra days.

Christ if there was any question of her being a goddamn princess, this morning summed it up. Bird was in the dropbox, needing to come up and go into triage... C said she had to wait for J to come get it sinceshe's allergic to grass and didn't want to walk through it and get itchy feet. Are you fucking kidding me, there's an injured bird that needs your help, and you're worried about itchy feet? She also made G mow a little path from her car to the walkway so she didn't have to walk through it. Does she have any idea how ridiculous she sounds?

God I'm glad she's leaving soon. Mediocre, low-effort, spoiled ass princess. She flat-out states that she wants no responsibility. She doesn't have any interest in improving her game, does the bare minimum, brings nothing to the table. If I'm feeling extra petty, which I am, I would say she's not over the fact that she hasn't scored a trophy wife gig and secured a steady meal ticket. That's the kind of female she is. The kind who wants to legit catch a man, lol. You are not a prize, men are not pokemon.

Keeping my fingers crossed for a partial scholarship to FWRA. D got in in rec letter for me and Ch this week, feeling good about that, relieved I didn't have to bitch and beg at all. D has been getting on her game the last few weeks, I say as many encouraging things as I can and offer as much help as I can because this makes me glad. I want our game to get better,
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-06-26 09:15 pm

(no subject)

Stayed up until 3, then slept past noon, fuck yeah. First time my body hasn't ached something awful.

Did a fat lot of nothing most of the day, rewatching GoT and fucking around on the interwebs. Got all the usual chores done towards the evening, even some light lifting and list writing.

Trying not to stress the fuck out about getting the mews done. And the trip to pdx. And the canoe tour immediately after. And FWRA in September. Goddamn it crow, stop stressing yourself out.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-06-24 09:06 pm

(no subject)

Driving home from Saturday job, I catch sight of a bird riding on a thermal, which I recognize as a stork. What business does a stork have soaring that high? None that I know of really. Other than they fucking well can.

I wonder how the stork came to do such a thing. Did they see other birds up there and decide to give it a try? Is there a reason we don't know of that would be a practical purpose for storks to soar? I've seen other birds on thermals who also have no logical reason to be there; anhingas, a white egret, a small pajama party of bedbirds.

I would like to think they do it just because they can.

On the subject of storks, Freckles and Speckles have been loitering around the sanctuary, working the Catholic guilt for snacks. Curious if red tide is getting up there again. They seem to come inland every time the K. brevis counts start to rise.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-06-20 10:31 pm

(no subject)

Okay so after kind of losing my schitt last week, things are getting better as far as headspace. Despite my body aching in that third shift exhaustion kind of way.

Even with the goddamn well pump checking out yet again this weekend, even with the Tuesday program I couldn't do because nobody bothered to get Nova's anklets on over the weekend. Guess when nothing of note gets done? Sigh.

Monday I brought French toast casserole and brownies like a goddamn boss. I also brought my leather daddy hat and reprimanded Joe Nathan for not texting me happy father's day for the lulz. New volunteer helped out on grounds, as did Chelsey's bf, so that didn't suck. Somehow I stayed up too late Monday night again, and was hurting the following morning.

I have to not do that on Tuesday/Wednesday. Need to try doing that list of things to get done before interwebs and see how that goes.

Tuesday actually did not suck. David G brought in French toast casserole after reading the recipe on Linda's facebook haha - I put mine back in the fridge and said nothing about it, he didn't need to know. I think his turned out better anyway. George and Suzanne gave me a pair of feather earrings that they got when visiting the tribe out west, which made me feel something humble and nice. Just when I think nobody gives a goddamn. I need to keep giving a goddamn and ignore the fuckery around me.

Speaking of fuckery, I have the awful suspicion that Dana is going to jerk me and possibly Chelsey around on giving the okay to FWRA for scholarships. She knows DP already fucked me over on last year's conference and that I could really use the help. If she makes up excuses why, I'm going to call her out on it. She couldn't be supportive of me or happy for me when I attended last year, even though it directly benefitted the organization. She was just pissed that she didn't get to go, and pouted every time the subject came up.

Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing. It colors so much of what she does with other people and things in her life, too. Man I need to stay on the lookout of anything in my own behavior that might involve jealousy. Shit is poison.

In decent news, I talked to my dad about fixing the doors and window on the mews; he's going to write up some directions for me to walk me through - he may also find a way to get back down here to help me out. My dad is awesome like that.

Also makes me feel something humble and nice. Awesome also is my bro buying my plane tix out to pdx for a visit in August. Finally picked out some goddamn dates, gonna do it. Will feel good to get my head out of this place for a while. Taking off two weeks this time, instead of the usual 5 days. I really need to reset my head as far as the tunnel vision of eat breathe sleep birds.

This trip may also have the side benefit of giving my coworkers a wakeup call of how things run when I'm not around to oil the machine. Or maybe not. I kind of hope they get it though. Tired as fuck of being taken for granted.

Took a walk through the mangroves with C. after work Tuesday. Storm coming in, tide low, hints of red tide. Random goofy ass bedbirds wandering around. Homecrows all over the place. Freckles and Speckles the storks wandering around working the Catholic guilt like they don't have to because they know I'm a fool for them. Birds make it all worth it. Hoping I'm going to have my shit together by mid August so I can get my hawk on ASAP. I hope I get this shit down. I hope I'll be decent at it and make my falconry peeps proud.

I am excited and honestly scared in equal proportions.

I wish it wasn't $250 for neurofeedback to try and rewire my brain to bust through the bullshit that always comes up every time I try to do something worthwhile.

Seriously though, I'm not done.
anaisninja: (Nova and mangroves)
2017-06-15 09:40 pm

(no subject)

Feeling more on my game today, feeling better in general. Brought Bitsy and the crew to work for Heck Off Thursday, and it was decent. Did a school program, got lots done, and didn't frighten.

Man it's been ages since I worked with Nova. He wasn't real thrilled about Joe Nathan having to put on the removable anklets, then me whisking him off to contend with rowdy school kids...I wasn't real thrilled about it either. They didn't seem to be a particularly bright bunch, Lorin kept program subjects pretty basic, and had to fend off several from trying to pet the owl. Yikes.

That said, when I got Nova back in the mews and almost off the glove, he let me give him a whole lot of behind the ear scritches and belly rubs, and was totally cool with it. He could have noped the hell out at any time, but he just chilled on the glove and let me love up on him. <3

I wonder if it is a thing for a bird to miss working with a person. Mostly I think people are a pain in the ass, and assume that birds feel the same. Maybe not. I do think that Nova was into the scritches because molting is itchy business, and the molt is definitely on.

I might need to spend some time with Nova because school programs, also Gatsby is still busy schooling his apprentice, also just because Nova is awesome and I missed working with him. He really is a sweetheart.

On the subject of assumptions and molting, it would appear that our anhinga Stabitha is actually a Stabastian. XD Stabastian is definitely not a sweetheart, and enjoys talking a shitload of smack at anyone or anything who will listen. He will fly down and demand to eat at least one fish immediately when I bring his lunch. Goddamn anhingas are so fucking cool. Still gutted about poor Julian. He was a damn sexy bird.

Looks like Lindsay is going to be taking on another falconer's RT this season - gorgeous blue-eyed western dark morph who's had some issues getting on game. She may have just gotten her general permit as a falconer, but from what I've seen, she's incredible at working with animals and doing everything she can so they can be at their best. If I can be half the falconer she is, I will feel like I am doing something right.

Still need to fix the doors to the mews. And get a coat of paint on it. And track down a cheap fridge with a full-on freezer. Also visit my bro in pdx before fall season starts. Ugh stop overwhelming yourself, crow. I will figure out how to get it all done all right. <3
anaisninja: (this is why we can't have nice things)
2017-06-12 09:24 pm

(no subject)

Mediocre fucking people. I don't know how they do it.

Okay that's enough bullshit about work.

Need to gtfo of Floriduh for a bit. Need the gtfo of my skull for that matter.

So goddamn sore, lifted some yesterday. Took Mama Jan out to see Wonder Woman, had some sandwiches afterwards. Pretty good weekend, shitshow of a Monday, hoping tomorrow is decent and that Wednesday isn't too awful as far as doctors appointments.

I need to read and color and write already.

Ugh sick of the grown up bullshit.
anaisninja: bitsy eats nightmares (bitsy)
2017-06-05 09:45 pm

(no subject)

Well that was a weird fucking weekend.

Stayed up way later after watching Wonder Woman with Bitsy, then took a walk in the rain with C. Woke up way late Sunday morning/afternoon and was preparing to do a whole lot of nothing when I saw a facebook notification about Shark-Con...that it was starting soon and wtf I bought tickets omg me and Bitsy need to go! She was a bit cross that I had spaced it, somehow I thought it was next month. I wrestled with the GPS to get there, but once I gotto the fairgrounds I found that there was no such event going on that weekend. Double wtf??

Turns out it IS next month, and if my dumb ass had read the dates on the tickets I would have seen that lol. I do hold facebook responsible for the misunderstanding in the first place though. The page legit said that event was currently going on - however the fuck that works.

All the way north, I figured I could at least find something to do. Hit up Apollo Beach to see about the manatees, but it's closed this time of year. Eh, worth a try anyway. Bitsy suggested that I call Stephanie once we got closer to Bradenton, and I did that. She was totally cool with us stopping by for a bit, and it was nice to see her. And Maynard. Horrible horrible Maynard, that cat is so freaking cute.

Stopped at the park off Honore to see if I could find any cocoa puffs or evidence of rabbits. Didn't find that, but I did see three huge cottontails out browsing without a care in the world. Squirrels lazing around too. Even some ducks in the marshy part of one of the ponds. Kind of excited to see all of this here, could be a honey hole come fall once I've got my bird up and ready to fly.

Nerdy bird. I want a nerdy, derpy bird like Tyr. Not just like Tyr, but decently derp so I don't feel like I'm all by my bird nerd self.

I miss Lindsay and Wayne and all my Orlando people. That is all for now.
anaisninja: (Gatsby)
2017-06-01 10:20 pm

(no subject)

Probably one of the overall best days I've had in a long time.

First was coming in early to work, opening the door expecting to walk into an over, and instead - sweet sweet cool air. A/C is back - FINALLY. After damn near a month. So nice to work and not be completely exhausted by the end of the day.

Pilston was back as well, which doesn't really qualify as anything especially great. No surprise that we get A/C back once he comes back from vacation. I guess he tried to joke about it a couple of times, and people were like, HELL NO. I told him that torches and pitchfolks were incoming and he was lucky we had A/C. He doesn't get to joke about that shit. He wasn't there suffering with us, his punk ass ran off to Lake Tahoe instead. Either he doesn't realize that this translates into unhappy employees and volunteers, or he just doesn't care. Goddamn one percenters. Callous fucking asshole. Fuck that noise, let's get back to my awesome day.

I caught a squirrel.

For real, with my bare hands, and a little help from BJ the resident RTHA. I caught a motherfucking squirrel and all I can think about is how much I want to do it again.

Cleaning habitats this morning, I notices the GHOWs looked extra grumpy, most likely due to an idiot squirrel running through their habitat. Being owls, they didn't give enough of a fuck to do anything about it, even after fasting that night.

Squirrels can be gutsy little tree ninjas and I don't mean any disrespect, but this motherfucker was dumb and didn't deserve a place in the gene pool. Little did I know I was going to do something about that shortly.

When I got to BJ's habitat, I noticed her in the top right rafters, intent on something. Same damn squirrel messing with her. Not really fair since she has so little flight to begin with - but she did have an excellent position to prevent him from reaching the section of fence where he could make an escape. She wanted that squirrel, but she wasn't going to be able to nail it without some help.

I took quick stock of the few tools available to me - deck brush and an empty bucket - and was overcome by a mighty need to get that squirrel for her. Squirrel knew shit got real once I came at him with the brush. He would try to slip past BJ, she would lunge at him and he'd run down. I'd swing at him with the brush, and he'd climb back up. We did this a few times before he took a mad dash past me, and accidentally cornered himself opposite from the escape route.

Don't try this at home, kids. No gloves or protective gear, and squirrels can fuck you up bad with a bite. Nothing to take him out but my own inner barbarian. He was stressed out and panting now, slow enough that I was able to get hold of his tail. I gave him a solid whack against a thick branch once I did, still not quite believing that I'd caught him. A few more hits and he was out.

BJ fucking saw me kill it, I imagine so did a couple other of the birds. They didn't exactly chant 'one of us, one of us' but I had the pleasant delusion that this was what they might be thinking. This is the closest I can really come to expressing my feels for them. This is probably the closest a person can get to making a bird of prey understand my meaning. Goddamn my adrenaline was through the fucking roof.

I put the squirrel in the bucket, and headed upstairs so I could gut it and split it up between BJ, Armando, and Ruby. Nice warm breakfast, fresh game I'd caught for them my own damn self. I felt so proud. I love offering them wild game whenever I have a chance, but this was so much better. I picked out the hindquarters for BJ, the best part, and brought them down after I'd pestered some coworkers and volunteers about how I'd procured it. Pilston looked a bit horrified, but I was too happy to care.

I can only imagine how amazing this will feel with a bird of my own to hunt with and help.

I'd already had breakfast, but was more than ready to get something for my lunch. Tuesday had been too hot for tacos, and Fred Friendly, our local crow liaison had been after me for tacos ever since he first got a bite last Tuesday. After taking a taste to determine if it was edible, he didn't fly off to cache it, but devoured the rest, feaking his messy beak right after. One of the egrets was trying to muscle in on it this time, neither Fred nor I were having any of that. I gave him a few more pieces before the last of the tacos were gone, and got my ass back to work.

Really good goddamn day. I would like to think Bitsy and Cal are proud of me as well for letting my inner predator out to play and scoring such sweet quarry.

Goddamn I am getting excited and anxious for August 15.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-05-30 11:58 pm

(no subject)

Still no goddamn AC at work. Third week already and the parts still have not arrived. Bossman is supposed to be back from Tahoe on Thursday. I would be curious to know what he would do if the AC went out in his office. I wish I knew how to hijack that shit. That might get results. More than going on strike, which is what some of my coworkers have been entertaining. The worst part is that the birds get shafted if we strike, but honestly I don't know what else we can do to the get the point across to bossman that something needs to happen.

Hijacking the office AC would be ideal. It would not affect the birds, but it would affect the offending party. Goddamn I hope it goes out and he gets filthy sweaty before it's fixed. Goddamn that would be hilarious. Goddamn I am over this shit.

Best part of this week so far has been finding a roadkilled squirrel. I split it up between Armando the caracara, Ruby the turkey vulture, and BJ the redtail. They all appreciate a good meal, unlike some very spoiled picky black vultures *cough* Stanley and Stella. Also I found a dead anole today and gave that to Armando as a breakfast treat. Hopefully he liked that too.

I want to build some little hidey-holes in his enclosure so he can cache things away for later, or so I can put food there for him to find. When I brought his lunch in a tea box on Monday, he searched through a few of the leaf piles before opening it up and getting his lunch. That made me think he would like it hidden in several different places vs in one large portion. I did that today, and he seemed to enjoy it. He took his time finding each snack. Goddamn he is a different bird since starting food enrichment. Feels good man.

Bumbershoots have forgotten where the shower is again. Not terribly surprising. They will step up on a branch and let me give them an airplane ride to the shower, which is vastly preferable than chasing them or physically picking them up and putting them in it. They seem to like riding over, but who can see into the mind of bumbershoots? Not a lot going on up there.

Man fuck this heat in the ear already. So exhausted when I get home, it's all I can do to not fall asleep in my chair before I get ready for bed.

Need to schedule a couple of ultrasounds for my guts as indicated by the doctor. Really not looking forward to the vaginal one. That is the stuff of nightmares. Hope I don't freak out on the tech. Hope the tech isn't a creepy old dude. Hope they don't have to touch me. The longer I go without the more creeped out I get when someone does. Thinking about when it's C. doesn't creep me out, but that's different. Way different.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-05-25 10:58 pm

(no subject)

Winding down from a fairly stressful week.

Still no A/C at work. Bossman is on vacation skiing in Tahoe, but wouldn't spend the $350 a week it would cost for a temporary hookup. Couldn't make that shit up. Nice to know exactly where employees figure in his value system. It's about where I thought.

Looking into online classes about wildlife education programs and environment enrichment for captive animals. Goddamn I wish the classes were not so expensive. I really want to have some legit way to show I give a damn and have done my homework. Much as I love my birds, most of the people that work here do not value what I do, or what I have to offer.

I've tried not thinking about how much they've taken advantage of this because it depresses the hell out of me and makes me anxious and irritable af. Talking with Stephanie at the party on Saturday kind of brought all that up again. They didn't appreciate her for shit either.

She asked me if I would ever be interested in running my own sanctuary. I would need good people around me to help, was my first thought. I can't do everything, and I would not want to run it like it was my personal show. There are people who are going to have better experience than me in some areas, and that's important. I've gotten over myself as far as needing to control every damn little thing, I see how destructive it is when someone tries to be the end-all be-all but doesn't take into account the input of others. I don't know that I'd ever want to run my own place, but I know I would need help, and I have some clue of what not to do.

Not even sure why I'm rambling about this, I guess since talking about it this weekend it's been on my mind.

Wednesday was difficult. Had to get an annual exam, haven't had one since that last horrible exam by that creepy dude at the low income clinic. I guess that's all it takes to put my nervous system into overdrive, I was a fucking wreck before and a weepy mess during the exam. Didn't help that they took a half dozen samples. Also she wrote me up a referral for abdominal and vaginal ultrasounds, wtf. Kind of creeps me out, but I am hurting where I shouldn't be. Probably best to get that shit done.

Hate hate hate the feeling of anyone there who isn't C. Hate being touched more than I already did. I hate that I have to move through a physical world every day with people who are not C. none of the shapes or the faces are his. I'm not prone to loneliness but sometimes it really hurts that he's not somewhere easily accessible.

Got a magnificent frigatebird into work today, helped get the monofilament line off of him. Bumbershoots are about halfway to figuring out their new shower, after two plus months of cluelessness. Despite the lack of sleep and A/C, I have been on my game for the most part
this week.

This helicopter really needs to fuck off with this low flying shit.

I need to get to bed.
anaisninja: bitsy eats nightmares (bitsy)
2017-05-22 09:41 pm

(no subject)

Dat feel when you're in the third week of no A/C at work, it's 90F inside the building first thing in the morning, your boss is on vacation in Lake Tahoe, and neglected to reimburse the $100 you spent buying work groceries before taking off, your back is threatening to nope the fuck out on you, also you have a yearly exam first thing next morning and you hope you don't have to assault the doc if they try to crank you open like they want to flip a goddamn coin up in there. You know like they do.

I hope none of y'all know dat feel.

In other news, Stanley and Stella greeted me Monday morning by stretching their wings out, bouncing and feaking like lunatics, Houdini the herring gull likes to snap at the pond faucet like a puppers drinking from a garden hose, and the massive white pelican will NOT stop grab-assing every time I bring breakfast.

Also a group of ibis is called a pajama party, because bedbirds.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-05-15 09:17 pm

(no subject)

So, lots happened this weekend, and will continue to happen throughout the week. Feels good man.

Condo I usually clean had canceled guests, so I got out of work for Saturday. Which was great because I had a/c to hook up and a bedframe to build. Also caught a flash weekend sale at the health food store down the street, stocked up on some things, tried some new stuff.

Tax return burning a hole in my pocket for things I have needed/wanted for quite some time. New bed, new A/C unit, new laptop. Small things here and there, fancy bitch things.

Moving around the furniture in my room. Tired of looking at the same thing all the time, tired of things that remind me of time I'd rather not repeat.

SO goddamn happy about this new bed. Came in a box, compressed and wrapped up, but unfurled and expanded into a regular full size mattress. Clean and perfectly firm, just how I like it. No past juju from previous relationships or former owners. Mine all mine. Only for me and C. now, and it feels great.

A/C is beautifully quiet, nice and cold, but not ultra-arctic give you a headache cold. Mama Jan let me knock off $100 for rent to help pay for it. Ran around $225, I'm happy with it, probably will order another one for her once they've got the money to spare.

Waiting for new Chromebook to come in later this week. Wanted something small and lightweight to bring to work or wherever, to write or research things on the interwebs. After checking out reviews a few sites, the best ratings for small 10" screen notebook type computers were all for Chromebooks. The reviews for HP notebooks were okay, but bloatware is apparently a problem.

I already have Windows on this old beast, and a 15" screen to watch Netflix on, so I figured why not, I'm not using it for anything intense. I don't need a lot of apps, and it's immune to the malware that targets Windows. This particular model is pretty close to bombproof by design, so that will be nice for carting it around and not worrying.

Goddamn all this new stuff. Feels good having some nice things for a change. Need to clear out some of the old stuff around here, I think I'll feel even better.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-05-10 10:57 pm

(no subject)

Still miss my bat. Cleo is, was, and ever will be, my best cat. May 10th will always be a fucking thorn in my side.

Bitsy has created an amphibious black octopus called an orpheus, also called Orpheus, that will act as ambassador, emissary, etcetera to both terrestrial and aquatic realms.

Florida Blue is such a fucking shitshow as far as website bullshit, red tape bullshit, and being as useless as tits on a bull.

Not feeling terribly eloquent right now.

Go to bed crow.
anaisninja: me and bitsy (Default)
2017-05-05 11:23 am

(no subject)

Driving over the bridge this morning, head full of half-thoughts and not-quite voices, including Captain Howdy. Usually he rides shotgun when we're on the bridge.

I tell myself something to the effect that he's the voice I hear over all others. He says something to the effect 'Keep telling yourself that, when't the last time we've had a decent talk?' 'You're not wrong,' I shrug. 'You're the one that wanted to be deliberately invoked vs randomly involved though.' 'I've gotten over myself about that one.' He concedes. That I did not expect. Usually I am the one who has to get over myself. It's a good feel when it finally happens. 'How that feels? You're not wrong.'

There's a vehicle ahead of us that's got a decal on the back window, one of those fucking 60s throwback designs that reads 'love'. I don't even think, my gut reaction is invariably 'fuck that'.

'There's lots of things you love.' C. points out. 'Yeah well, but those are actual specific things that I love. The concept itself is so abstract that it's practically meaningless when it's applied with such a broad brush. It's like 'peace'. It's a nice concept, but wtf does it actually mean?'

'Fuck that. Peace is bloody nonsense as a concept, as far as you people think of it. Life itself is a constant state of change and conflict, because that's how it works. That's how you know you're alive. People may as well have a sticker that reads 'death', because your idea of peace is the same thing. Peace doesn't react or respond. It doesn't invent or evolve, it doesn't do anything. The idea of it as a perpetual state of being is nonsense. That's not how the universe even works.'

'There's a Buddhist story I remember from a while back that says peace lives in the place between the in-breath and the out-breath. It's not somewhere you can stay for a long amount of time, more of a transient state.'

'Well, that's more like it. That sounds just about right.'

I'm still kind of snickering about that one, substituting the word 'death' for 'peace' every time I see it printed on something.

Thinking about things further: 'science' could possibly be another of those general terms with little actual meaning, but then again, science is not an actual concrete thing, it's a process. Science is more of a verb than a noun when I think about it. It's not impossible to love the process.

Anyway: hummingbirds in the garden at the sanctuary today. Even being in Florida, it's quite rare to see them. My guess is they're hanging in here for the night to fuel up so they can ride on the tail of whatever storm front is coming through.

Still need to write about Bitsy things. There's a creature that's going to coordinate world building and recruiting, called an orpheus. At first I thought that was the creature's name, but in fact it is the proper name of the actual species. Might look something like a platypus. Not sure yet. I'll find out.
anaisninja: bitsy eats nightmares (bitsy)
2017-05-04 09:56 pm

(no subject)

On point and on task today at work. About goddamn time. If I could remember the breakfast and lunch and dinner thing, that would be ideal. Bites of things resembling food here and there, but entirely too much sugar.

Also could use more decent sleep, gonna try for that tonight. Got all kinds of grownup shit done yesterday, read more of TBKTS, so mind was somewhat chaotic from all that.

Watched the first episode of Death Note before bed because Ryuk and Captain Howdy decided what the hell why not, let's wake her up like that. Why Ryuk doesn't freak me out but Pazuzu does I don't even know.

****

Gatsby currently busy with his apprentice doing important owl shit, so lunchtime was spent bouncing back theta waves with Bitsy. Theta waves I figured out from reading yesterday. I would like to have some actual neurofeedback for real to see if that's the state I'm in, because if I can drop into it this easily, that doesn't suck.

Anyway. More post-apocalypse ecology/genetic engineering ideas, too many to go into detail before bed. Inducing evolution in humans to produce chimaeras, invoking scarab and hamerkopfs as the next wave of industrialists and architects, all manner of plans within plans. But yeah will have to update tomorrow. So many goddamn ideas.