In Palatka at the FHF meet rn. Made it here in one piece! Roads in North Florida are crazy, even crazier than the rest of the state; GPS does not like them running at diagonals, and I have to say I'm not a fan either. Sometimes go straight is turn left, sometimes go right is stay straight. Sometimes there's a stop sign in the middle of the highway that GPS refuses to recognize for reasons unknown, possibly because it's cutting across at another goddamn diagonal. Scary stuff. Beautiful country though.

Taking a break after spending the morning searching for squirrels and bunnies for a Harris Hawk named Chase. Not much to be had in the way of quarry today, which everyone agrees seems to be the general state of things in a public hunting area. Did flush a couple of squirrels though. Feels good to be back in the field, feels good that I didn't have to make a conscious effort to know what to do, it all came back to me as soon as I got outside.

Another fellow flying a Merlin got a sparrow in one of the dove fields. Not sure if the person with the red tail got to fly their bird. A few of the guys were talking about going trapping later in the afternoon. All in all there's a lot of folks here, probably the biggest meet I've been to. Met some old falconer friends from my preapprentice days, met some new people, too. Everyone's very chill and welcoming. It's been really nice.

The falconer who trained the GHOW that was going to get euthanized years back for not being trainable is here, and she has been fun to hang out with. She's got a sassy little kestrel, beautiful and lots to say. It came up that we've got an owl in a similar situation at my sanctuary right now, and she expressed willingness to take her on, but it sounded like her current living situation isn't really workable for it right now. Which I totally get, I wasn't going to ask, but she offered when the subject of training the untrainable came up. I may run it by her one more time to see what she thinks since she's had some time to weigh the situation. It's a big ask, and I don't want to seem pushy at all. She already did CROW a huge solid training the birds that she trained.

I met a nice couple from here in North Florida, who invited me to come chase squirrels whenever I get a bird, also who had an apprentice-now-full on falconer who went on to start his own bird abatement service out west/up north. They encouraged me to look him up on Facebook. I think I'm gonna do that. His main job is at the Peregrine Fund. Now that's legit af.

Temperature started dropping this morning, and is going to continue to drop right into tomorrow, so I'm not 100% on staying for another hunt in the morning. I'll get a feel for what direction that's going at the dinner tonight. Honestly I wouldn't mind getting headed back home early. The neighborhood the motel's in is a bit on the sketch side, I didn't sleep very well last night, and I fear for my little Prius's catalytic converter lol. My room is on the far side of the motel, but I snagged a parking spot for Mizu directly across from the front office where there's lots of light and people around. So I'm leaving her right there until I need to leave. I don't trust taking her way the fuck out of the way where my actual room is at. I'm also not the only person here who's kinda sketched out by the locale. It's way cheaper than Mount Dora, and closer to the WMA, but I wish things felt safer.

Looking forward to going out to W's next weekend. Seriously thinking about going out trapping after getting back out in the field today. I've got stupid amounts of free time that I don't need to be spending on my goddamn phone. I should be manning a bird dammit. I'll bring my trap and hood with me to W's and see what he thinks.

Hoping my Qua won't be too angry at me tomorrow when I get in. Gonna feel good to squeeze my Qua.

Woke up this morning with no delusions of resolution. I had key lime pie for breakfast. Then I looked up showtimes for Wicked, got my shit together, and headed to the theater.

I was not expecting to be in tears by the end of the movie. Goddamn. It's been a long time since a movie hit me that hard. And I don't even like musicals. I think I may go and see it again.

Tentative plans to see Nosferatu with some coworkers, but I might see if anyone else is interested in Wicked too. I don't mind seeing it by myself again. Probably it's better if I do, if I'm going to endd up crying at the end.

After the movie I decided to hit up the plaza with Barnes and Noble and IHOP. Ordered Jackalope Wives and bought a copy of Wicked like a total fangirl, then walked over to IHOP for an after lunch breakfast. It was pretty good. Terrible coffee (what's up with dark roasts at greasy spoon?), good enough eggs, not enough of good haskbrowns, decent enough sausage, and undertoasted toast. It was fine. I ate all of it but two slices of toast.

Headed home, read some Wicked, and cuddled with Qua for most of the afternoon. Finally caught up with W and made some plans for the 17th. Felt really good to talk to him. We laughed our asses off talking about swirly drug things and how hilarious his granddaughter is. She has W's sense of humor. That gives me a weird kind of hope for the future.

So I didn't sit on my bed and interwebs all day on my day off. I did stuff, got out of the house, reached out, read up. That's a decent start to the year, resolution or no resolution.

In recent news: my boss has gone absolutely bugshit insane by catering to the staff bully and rewarding her shitty behavior with a promotion. Ignoring the fact that EVERYONE has problems with her insane. Like 'respect mah authoritah or see yourself out' insane. To the point I'm thinking I may need to explore my exit options.

Gawd knows I've weathered worse storms, but I feel like maybe I've reached the extent of bullshit I am willing to deal with any more.

We've already lost one keeper after she was demoted and all training duties were taken away from her at AP's behest. There's at least two other keepers that are thinking about leaving, too. It's wild to me that bossmang is allowing a toxic work environment to grow right under his nose. It's wild that as much as AP talks about operant conditioning and positive reinforcement, she doesn't understand that being punitive is not going to improve the situation. Of course, it's entirely possible that she wanted to make K miserable enough that she would quit, in which case, mission accomplished. She's getting her way, which I'm sure pleases her.

She's been throwing her weight around with hospital and maintenance staff too, and bossmang is just allowing her to run roughshod all over them. J is the head hospital manager and rehabber, and L is the man when it comes to anything maintenance-wise, and he does not suffer fools. Bossmang isn't listening to them, so they've basically written off trying to do anything to convince him of putting a stop to her bullshit. I can't imagine that he would listen to my invisible ass, but I'm thinking of saying something anyway. It's just nuts that he wouldn't listen to the literal head of the hospital who's been there over thirteen years, and is taking the word of someone who's been there less than a year as gospel.

AP and C have been interviewing new people, and surprise, this latest person has zero animal experience whatsoever. We used to look for people with at least two years animal experience and a biology background. My thought is that AP is looking for lackeys who don't know any better and will take her word as law. This is literally fucking batshit.

AP was fired at her last zoo job for I don't know exactly what reasons, but if it's because she was toxic af, I get it now.

Anyway. There's a whole slew of videos on tying falconers knots that I can have a look at to refresh my memory, and a falconers meet in the beginning of January that I still have time to sign up for. I'll use a couple vacation days and some of my year end bonus to stay at the hotel there instead of just driving in for one night. If I could meet up with some abatement falconers and get a foot in the door there, that could be a good point for me to make an exit.

This could also be a way for my Prius to redeem themself if I have to drive for any distance on the regular. So long as it doesn't get me stranded somewhere with no hybrid mechanics. Oy.

It's a little scary thinking about it. I mean, I've been at the sanctuary almost 15 years, and things are, with the exception of AP's bullshit, easy and comfortable there. But it's also making me curious and excited to think about something new, too. I've been mixing it up in my brainmeats the past month or so. Maybe it's time for me mix more things up. It certainly wouldn't hurt to have some abatement experience for when I go back out west.

Out west. Le sigh. I wish to fuck someone would hire my bro already so we could start making some real plans.

But, first things first. Find abatement falconers. Learn to do the thing. Maybe get paid to do the thing or at least get some experience. That would be sweet.

Talked to pdoc this morning before the k clinic today. It was going to be a telehealth appointment, but I decided on in person instead. I'm glad I did, I got to hear stories about when he went to Japan. Only further cements in my mind. I need to go.

Besides that, I talked about how the ketamine was working, my frustration at the lack of focus with the care providers there. I'm gonna stick with it, though, at least through the initial 8 weeks. I'm feeling something shifting, and I want to see where it goes.

Better ride at the k clinic today. I asked for the lower dose, and they were fine with that. I'm calling my visits rides instead of trips. I have the sensation of flight, so it works. Took my Adderall earlier in the day, which I hadn't done in the past. I was curious how things would go. I could feel the difference in my brain, it was wild. It got all focused and shark-brained, and was following and braiding the unraveled strings more clearly than I had the past three rides.

The theme of today's ride was purple. Purple like the grape candies they had on the chairside table, purple like blood in water, purple like Purple Rain lol. Murasakiiro. Also I had to dig out my phone to look up the word 'absolution' to make sure I remembered it right. It does, and it's what I'm looking for in general. More absolution, curiousity, and reflection, less shame, guilt, and regret. Those three things have had me in a stranglehold for ages. I chased that thread for awhile and decided I needed to listen to Prince when I got home. Which I did, and started making the bird masks I've been meaning to make for weeks now. Felt good man.

Listened to Chappell Roan's Pink Pony Girl on repeat for a good portion of this evening. Listened to the rest of her album, and it's good, something I could play on repeat, too. It's super gay, which makes me really happy. Might have to listen to it at work, too. It now has the association with a good ride, which means I'll be able to summon up some of that feel when I hear it later. I was not as fucked up as I was the last time, and I felt like I had more control than the last thing. This dosage feels right. I'll stick with it for a while.

Started Spravato last Wednesday, second clinic was on Friday. Feeling pretty decent about it. Glad I've tripped/rolled before so I had some kind of context in which to put the high. There wasn't really anything in the way of guidance. It's not a body buzz like MDMA and it's not a visual high like LSD - though it definitely has a similar cerebral high. It's a high I can work with. Also I can't believe this stuff is legal lol.

First time Cleo came to visit me and I was so happy to have her there I didn't think to cry. I felt the absolute certainty that she is ruling her universe wisely. I think it might be the one where Wakanda is real, and America is just some dystopian comic book. It would make sense if that was hers.

Mostly I thought about birds and how much I love my birds. I thought about Oregon and my bro and how to go about getting my ass back to Oregon. I'll think on these things some more when I go back in the coming weeks. Twice a week for 4 weeks, then once a week for 4 weeks, then once every other week for I'm not sure how long. I've never tripped that much in succession; usually it was once a month at most. Curious to see how this works on my brain.

Really curious to see how it works on my overall mood. It's meant to treat medication resistant depression, so I wonder if this might allow me to come off some of my meds as I stick with it. That would be nice.

Thinking about what kinds of medications I really need, and how to go about getting them if the powers that be get rid of the ACA. I think there's programs for Remicade, although I still wonder how much I actually need it, since the stricture is legit gone. I do want to get a colonoscopy at the beginning of the year to get that done before anything can go south with insurance. Waiting to get a call for a mammogram. I'm supposed to check in with a dermatologist as well, but goddamn I am not feeling like making a fuckton of appointments when I have the Spravato clinics to work around.

No driving before or after the clinic, period. They will drop your ass as a client, also you can get a DUI if they catch your ass driving. Initially I was thinking, maybe I'd be good hours later in the day, but that's definitely gonna be a no from me, dawg. I was way the fuck out of it when MJ and D came to pick me up after the first clinic, and I was pretty loopy the rest of the day, too. Spending horizontal time with my Qua is the preferable course of action. They're upping my dose this week, so we'll see how that goes.

Had to get Qua's meds overnighted when I realized I'd overestimated how much medication he had left. Had to step his dosage down, which I felt bad about. Glad I called the pharmacy and was able to get it rushed, though. I'd put in for the order the prior week, and forgot how long it takes at a compounding pharmacy. They were very nice about it. I was very relieved to get them Friday after the clinic. Stepping my boy back up on them now.

Offered him the oat grass I've been growing for the past few weeks; he sort of grazes on it, but doens't exactly eat it either lol. Catnip just makes him drooly and high. Funny little guy.

One thing I figured out that my bro turned me on to, since NAVAAN is into it - lots of kisses. Most cats I have had got annoyed by kisses, so I always kept them to a minimum. But lots of kisses on the head, neck, back, and belly - Qua purrs and purrs and purrs and makes blinky eyes at me. So weird, but I'm happy to do it. Bro thinks that a cat likely view it as a kind of grooming. I could see that.

Weathers actually getting chilly (60s) for a change. Took to the end of November. We'll see how long it lasts.

Fuck this entire year in particular. Fuck the people who think a president can wave a magic wand and change the entire economy. Fuck the fascists.

Bless Josh Johnson for dropping a new 40 minute bit after the election was called.

Fuck this month in particular.

Monday I had to say goodbye to my little Ishmael. I was not expecting it.

I had taken him into the urgent vet, since our normal vet was booked up from the last three weeks of hurricanes, and I had been meaning to get him in for blood work. I put my hand on his back the other day, and was surprised at how close his hips were to the skin. He still had a little belly sway, but looking at him from the top down, you could see the shape of his legs.

For months I thought it was Qua who was on hunger strike, when the dry kibble was barely being eaten. I'd stopped putting so much fish oil thinking maybe the taste was turning him off. Then I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen Ish eat a full meal of canned food, and he's usually one to lick the bowl and howl for more. I though he'd been spoiled with the ham I would sneak him from my sandwiches, and that was holding out for that. What I didn't know was that he was masking his liver failure like a boss, and neither of us were quite ready when the urgent vet laid out the blood work results.

Active liver failure, and already pretty far gone. It would take aggressive treatment to try to get it turned around (starting at $7000 to $9000), and there would only be a 50% chance of treatment helping. As quickly as his condition had degenerated, there was also a high likelihood of cancer, but he would need ultrasounds to confirm, which would be in addition to xrays that would start at $500.

I asked if there was anything she could do to make him more comfortable. She said that I could take him home for one more night, and bring him back in when I decided to make the call. I still don't know if I made the right choice is not bringing him home. It felt too gruesome at the time, to drag it out for 24 hours of me knowing what was going to have to happen, him not knowing what was going to happen, just to drag him back in the next day, and still not feel like he's ready.

Ish still seemed to have so much energy and life. He wanted to explore the exam room. He was happy to get pets from the vet staff. He didn't look sick at all, but the last time I had really seen him eat a full meal was probably weeks ago. He had lots to say but when I think about it, he didn't seem to look quite at ease when he was up and about. We'd had some solid cuddles this weekend, and he seemed a lot less demanding when getting up in the morning. I thought maybe he was starting to chill the fuck out and act a bit more his age. You always hear about animals being good at masking illness, and Ish definitely had me convinced he wasn't in bad shape. I figured it was hypothyroid or maybe his kidneys when I noticed the weight loss and lack of appetite. Liver failure was nowhere on my radar.

I was convinced that Ish would easily outlast Qua, since Qua has been so high maintenance this year. I was very much wrong on that call.

This was the same vet C and I had taken IZA to when we had to say goodbye. They have a comfort room, with soft lighting, nature sounds, fleece blankets, cozy chairs to curl up in. I wrapped Ish up with me on the couch and had some solid cuddle time with him, all the attention all for him without Qua around to distract me. I told him I didn't want to say goodbye. I wished him love and wonder and adventure for his next go round. I told him he was a good brave boy, and while this wasn't the kind of help I had in mind when we went there that afternoon, it was the kind of help that would put his body at ease.

It was absolutely not the kind of help I had in mind when I brought him in. It felt awful driving home with an empty carrier and a cardboard casket.

MJ, A, and D were all very apologetic when they learned what had happened with Ish. I started to dig, but didn't get very far, and A graciously dug out a place at the side of the yard that was deep enough to hold him. Before I bought Ish down, I opened the casket in my room to show Qua what was going on. He had probably smelled that something was wrong with his brother before I'd taken him to the vet, and while he didn't come close to inspect, I held Ish in my arms so that he would know where his brother had gone.

A had already done the main work of digging the hole when I finally brought Ish down, the least I could do was bury my boy myself. MJ kind of kept a watch over me while I shoveled all the soil back over him. There weren't a whole lot of words that were going to make me feel any better, so she didn't say much, but it was still comforting to have her there.

Once I got back upstairs, I did something that I've done for every cat I've lost since I was eleven or twelve, and shaved my eyebrows off. Somewhere I'd read that the Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows in mourning when a cat was off to the afterworld, something my mother threw a fit over when I did it in sixth grade, but something I'v insisted on doing every cat since. I poured out some white rum for my homie, cried, showered, cried some more, and squeezed my Qua like I'd never squeezed my Qua before.

Qua stayed in my arms all that night and the next. Actually woke my ass up like Ish used to do when my alarm didn't go off. He's been like glue the past couple of days. Honestly he's probably pleased to have me all to himself. He was kind of a jealous guy with his brother around. While they didn't cuddle and bathe each other like they used to do as kittens, they at least seemed to be friendlier with each other after Qua had his dental and Solencia shot last month. I probably had better quality time with Ish these last few weeks than I've ever had with him. I wish I could have given him more.

Fortunately my bro has been talking some sense into me while my mind threatens to gorge itself on guilt for not doing more, not knowing sooner, not loving enough, saying goodbye too soon. What it boils down to is that I saved Ish and his brother from growing up in a sea wall and living a short feral life, and he got a solid run of fifteen years in a safe, loving house. This is the first day things didn't feel to raw to sit down and write about things. My bro and Qua have been a big comfort to me these past couple of days.

They also let me skip out of work early on Tuesday once it made it through the grapevine that I had to say goodbye to Ish the previous night. Which I'm grateful for.

Unrelated but related by being a means to make me feel better, my bro sent me an articulated possum toy. The same kind that someone in Indianapolis used to wake up Josh Johnson in his last video. I already have a platypus named Sally, but I need to find her some sort of smoochy name now. She's ridiculously cute, and super expressive.

I also need to find something to do or name in honor of dear Fishmael. He always did his very best, and was the best at what he did. Whether it was yelling at me for ham or waking me up for work or vanquishing horrible palmetto bugs. Ish always did his best, no question.

Today's message is brought to you by the letter M for Milton.

Listening to the dulcet AI tones of Paul the NWS announcer and was just informed that Milton is now a Cat 3, which is a sight better to land than the Cat 5 it was earlier today. Not that we can't get fucked up by a Cat 3 - technically Katrina landed at Cat 3 so I'm told. The storm surge is really what we're going to have to look out for, along with flash flooding, thunderstorms, and random tornadoes.

I'm not much for prayer, but fucking pray for me. Pray for my birds at the sanctuary. Especially them.

We moved the majority of them up to the hospital and the office, the rest to the mews and back transition pen. I wouldn't stfu up until I knew Harold, Abby, Rusty, and Louis would be upstairs in the hospital. Stanley, Stella, and Armando I took home with me. There's only a few birds still out on the birdwalk, and they have places to escape the surge. Ideally. Hopefully. We're due for more surge than we had with Helene, and we had probably 3-4 ft of surge with her.

I wanted to bring home more birds, because every bird I keep inland with me is one less regret I have so long as we all make it through okay. I didn't bring them out here to be in worse trouble. I'm in flood zone D vs the sanctuary which is flood zone A. We're not under evac orders where I am, thank goodness. I guess we'll see what good we can still wring out of this situation.

Keeping the crew covered with a dark sheet in the quiet front room. Just got them some water in case they're thirsty. They don't generally eat when they're under stress like this.

Fucking pray for me. Pray for my birds. Pray for my birds.

Watching a webcam on St. Armands right now, watching the gusts blow through the palms and the water across the road through the circle. Watching some yahoo in a yellow truck blowing through the flood water. What the hell.

Wait, was that a gunshot?

I thought it might be a transformer (hoping it wasn't a transformer) but I hear hollering out there now. It sounds enthusiastic. Did someone just seriously try to shoot the hurricane?

I mean, it's Florida. It definitely tracks.

Anyway. I may have a little crush on Paul. He sounds so earnest.

Christ I'm a fucking mess.

Started a couple of weeks back when Qua started hiding under the bed and looked like he wasn't feeling well. I've been paranoid that his teeth have been bothering him, and I can't think of anything worse than tooth pain you cannot do anything about. I got him into the vet pretty quickly, had them take a look at his teeth, took samples for blood work, and got him another shot of Solencia since we were already there. They also upped his dose of fluoxetine. Vet didn't see anything immediately of concern as far as his teeth went, some inflammation in the gums but nothing glaringly troublesome.

Blood work came back normal, but the battery of tests they ran covered some genetic testing, too. I was not prepared to hear the vet tell me that there's a 95% possibility of kidney failure in the next two years. Have been trying to figure out how I feel about this and how freaked out I should get. Because Qua's 15 and things look fine for now. I probably shouldn't let myself freak the fuck out right now. I know he's not going to be here with me forever, but I wasn't really ready to start thinking about that right now. My nerves just feel so fucking frayed these days.

Qua seemed like he was feeling somewhat better when I got him home, but he was still crawling under the bed for most of the day and leaning his head against the water dish the rest of the week. I've started pulling the curtains back on the front window by the bed, so if Qua climbs the little stairs up to the bed, he's got a sunny spot to stretch out in. Usually I keep the curtains closed so things stay cool, but thinking about Qua sitting in the dark by himself bummed me out so hard, I figured I should do something different for him.

Brain still not stfu about Qua not feeling well, so I bit the bullet and called the vet again to schedule a dental cleaning. Switched some things up at work so I could get him in sooner instead of later. Couldn't sleep for shit because I couldn't stop thinking about the anesthesia risks. Bless Qua's quacky little heart, he climbed up into bed and crashed out in my arms for quality squeezins.

On edge all day at work wondering if he was okay and if they wouldn't call me until later if something was wrong. What Dr. P told me made me feel so much better; anywhere she's worked, if things go south, the owner is called immediately. So no news really is good news. And in Qua's case, it was very good news. He made it through fine. He didn't need any extractions, and they were able to give him a good cleaning and fluoride treatment, so he should be set in the dental department. Which makes me feel good since that's one of the things you can do to help an older pet's quality of life and overall health. When I got Qua home, he was surprisingly active and very interested in everything - probably the anesthesia making him a little batty. But it was so nice to see him active and curious.

It's maybe a week later, and he starts hiding under the bed again, isn't eating well, and seems extra lethargic. I start freaking out again, and call IZA's old vet to see if I can get Qua in for a second opinion. The tech asks me to describe the symptoms/behavior, and I feel like I sound like an insane person. I got Qua's medical records sent over, so at least they can see his blood work and that he's just had a dental. Didn't hear back from them, but I'm thinking now he's probably actually doing okay. Reading up online and figuring out that upping the fluoxetine is more than likely responsible for the lethargy. It's been a few more days and he's starting to be more active and out on the bed instead of underneath it it. It's a nice change.

I feel like I'm losing my goddamn mind. I was ready to drive Qua to the emergency vet the previous night because I felt like he wasn't acting right and wasn't going to make it to the next morning. Now he seems fine. Ack.


He looks comfortable right now. He looks relaxed. Which I'm glad for. But ugh, my nerves.


Because I'm fucking losing it and nothing feels like I want to do anything any more. I had been looking at the Innerwell ketamine thing online, but the amount of money they wanted up front seemed like a lot. I called my pdoc and asked if he had any recommendations for local places doing ketamine therapy. Because he rules, he referred me to a place the same day and they gave me a call to get me scheduled for a Q and A this Wednesday. Hell yeah.

I need something different. I need to get shaken up. I feel like I've lost my bearings, and the usual meds are just keeping my head above water. Not swimming anywhere right now, just treading water and no going anywhere. I don't even know where I want to go or how to make it happen any more. I really hope this is the help I've been needing.

Not sure how soon I'll be doing a ketamine session after the initial meet up, but hopefully it won't be too long.

Although I don't much know what I want to do, I have tentatively made plans with my sisters to go up to Michigan late October. I texted some shit about the cruddy apple cider down here, and M is like, we have the best stuff up here, you should come! I started thinking about it, and...it sounded like a good idea. Maybe go to a haunted house or two while I'm up there. Talked to dad and he was excited about it, too. I have air miles burning a hole in my pocket, and it's not a good time to visit pdx. If I can get a direct flight out of srq, that would be ideal. I don't want to do long term parking with Mizu unless I get a cat protector first. Fun fact: Priis are apparently prone to getting their catalytic converters stolen because it's easy to get at them. Ughhhhh my paranoia did not need this fun fact. But I guess I'm glad I know it now instead of finding it out after getting my cat stolen.

Ughhhhh and also I lost my drivers license somewhere. The last place I know I saw it for sure was when I had to show it to get my adderall a few weeks ago. I have no idea where it could be now, unless they put my license in the bag with the pill bottles, and I accidentally threw it out. Grrr. I was able to order a replacement license online without having to go to the DMV. Which is nice on one hand, but means I have to wait for the mail to do its thing, and be driving around without ID and feeling freaked out about that.

I did print out the receipt for the replacement to keep in my car. Also I found a jpg with the front of my license that I downloaded to my phone, so at least I've kind of got ID that way. Or proof that it did exist in some form in the present. Arrrgh, I'm not the first person to roll around without a license with them, but this is the first time I've ever lost my license, so it feels weird. I need to stop fucking worrying. But I'll feel much better once I've got my license back in my wallet where it belongs. Especially with a plane trip and election coming up in the next month.

If I don't get it in the mail by October 2nd, I'll go to the DMV and see if I can get one same day. If I get the other in the mail later on, I'll just have a back up.

Am I allowed to have a back up? The hell if I know.

Emptying my head out here feels decent, and there's some other things I could unload about too, but they're things that are just going to get me worked up, and I already ranted about it to my bro which made me feel somewhat better. There's only so many run-on sentences I need to subject my journal to on one night. I can maybe do that tomorrow.

Time to zone out to more Josh Johnson vidyas and get ready for bed.

Chasing Season has commenced! Rusty's been hanging out in front of his habitat watching me with more interest than usual, with a mild lions mane. Today it culminated in a short chase around the bend of the pond, and charging at me until I ran for the door. That sure showed me!

Because I can't ever have nice things these days, A had to make some snotty comment about how she doesn't like that because it's encouraging aggression. What the fuck ever, killjoy. He doesn't bother anyone else, and if I bugged him that much, he would just hide behind a blind or fly up in the tree until I went away. There's so little that our birds can control in their environment. Why not have one person he can flex on and have some semblence of control over his surroundings.